Tuesday, March 30, 2004

I am totally burned out on writing. It's hard. It requires effort, thought, energy, and no shortage of sugar.

Here's a list of all the things I currently hate:

  • Transitions
  • Special offers (that aren't all that special)
  • Bullets
  • Edits
  • Making shit up

    That last one deserves emphasis through repetition:

  • Making shit up

    I feel like that's all I ever do. Marketing hands me a work order for a direct mail letter. Okay, a four-page letter. You do realize that's four full pages of nothing but words. What am I supposed to say in this letter? Don't know! Make something up! But make it compelling enough that the reader will stop what they're doing, jump online, and pay $54.95 for a professional reference book! But why would said professional want said reference book? Don't know! Make it up!

    Here is list of features I hate:

  • Vibrant illustrations!
  • Up to date information!
  • Expert author!
  • Comprehensive coverage!

    These pretty much describe every book I'm ever asked to write about. Seriously. Enough with the comprehensivefullcoloruptodateauthoritative shit. Give me something real to say. But since no one (including the author) actually knows what purpose the book serves… make it up!

    All creative writing electives in college shall hereby be renamed Copywriting 101.
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