Friday, August 24, 2007

I don't think of myself as a judgmental person, but I am a label collector. I tend to collect interesting bits I might hear or discover about a person I don't really know, and then every time I see them I think to myself, "Oh! You're the _____!"

For example.

There's a woman who works in my building who, according to rumor, sneaks into supply closets of other departments and takes things. Just random things like post-its. This is funny because she's also apparently very religious. And a little too handsy with other female coworkers, leading further rumor to suggest she might lean that way but be too religious to admit it.

So I bumped into her coming out of the bathroom this morning. "Hello," she said.

"Hello!" I replied.

In my head, I said, "Hello, Clepto-lesbian!"

Then I started thinking of all the other people I've labeled in the building.

There's Shifty Grate Jumper, the fellow on crutches who parks in a makeshift handicapped space over a grate in the parking lot, and every morning I see him shifting his way carefully around the bars of the grate.

There's PoopJoke. This woman has actually never told me a joke involving poop or anything else, but I've heard they're her favorite. I don't know why that's stuck with me.

And Poncho Maria, who can often been seen walking the halls in a Clint Eastwood-esque blanket, complete with fringe, no matter what the season.


Sachi said...


I've got Juvenile Public Defender guy. He's a Public Defender (not for Juvenile Court) but he wears Wheelies on occassion. (Yes, the shoes with a rollerskate wheel in the heel.)

There's a few other interesting ones too.

Gary O'Brien said...

That bastard must be a tiny guy, because they don't have those shoes in my size.

I mean, adults shouldn't wear those shoes. What an idiot.

(But have him email me where he got them.)

Jane said...

I only wear my poncho in cool weather (not hot, warm, or cold), thank you.

I'd suspect it was me, but I am lucky enough to be able to stay at home. Right now, at least.

(p.s. the verify word right now is buiiarf--the sound that a very large dog makes)

still waiting for princess request said...

which makes me wonder if the Princess has wheelie shoes