"Mom?" Gertrude called, running into the living room where I was picking up cups of water abandoned by the kids and dog toys that really hurt when you stub your toe on them.

Gert had an urgent question: "What number comes after eleven?"

"Twelve,” I said. “Eleven, then twelve."

I hoped she was practicing the elusive counting-to-twenty, which always trips her up because she's convinced "fifty-eleventeen" has to figure in there somewhere. But no, she had something more concrete to worry about.

"So Matilda's going to be TWELVE?"

"That's right. On her next birthday."

"She's a lot older than me."

"Well, sort of."

"Great," said Gert, throwing up her hands. "She's going to die before me. Everybody's going to die before me!"

I sputtered something incoherent as Gert turned and ran back out of the room, presumably to get in some playtime with her sister who only had a few decades left to live.

Damn, this is exciting... Someone else knit my DNA tank and the pattern actually worked. This goes a long way toward reassuring me that there aren't piles of knitters out there cursing my name for posting a poorly written, error-riddled pattern (but if you are, and it is, please let me know so I can fix it!).

With the Purl de France winding down, I have one and a half sleeves left to knit on a sweater I designed for my cycling husband. I took exacting measurements to make sure it would fit him exactly. Problem is, when you measure exactly, that's the exact measurement you'll get when it's knit. I'm not sure why that didn't occur to me while I was in the throes of designing. Is my man MAN enough to wear a slim-fitting, form-hugging wool sweater? Um.

I'm sure he'll wear it cause he loves me. And then I'll sell it on eBay.

But nothing's been blocked or seamed yet, so there might still be hope. It IS the Purl de France. Who knows what could happen in the final stages.

This is me complaining about work. Because here's the thing. I can't do any more of it. I am functioning at 100% workload capacity and am physically unable to do one single more thing until something else is finished. You can ask me to do something else, and I'll add it to the list of things I haven't gotten to yet and probably won't anytime soon. But it's going to be late. That's the reality. It's going to be late, and then you'll point out to me that this project is late. And you'll ask me why. Why is this project late? Because I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO DO IT.

Here's how it works: Project A is due today, Project B is due tomorrow and Project C is due next week.

Hmm, I say. Project A might take longer than one day.

Well okay. Just do the best you can and holler if you need help.

So Project A trails into tomorrow. It's still relatively on schedule. Now on to Project B, which we have most of the day to complete.

Oh hey, did you know there's a meeting at 11?

And another one at 1:30.

Crap, I say. Help! Project B is in trouble!

No problem. Go ahead and freelance it out. Just find a freelancer. Send the freelancer instructions. And information. And the book's preface. And you might have to get the annotated table of contents from marketing. And be sure to proof it for style when the freelancer sends it back. And we can only afford $50, so make sure to negotiate that as a flat rate before you send it out.

That takes us into next week. Project A comes back for edits. Project B comes back from the freelancer in need of proofing. And I still haven't started Project C.

That's about when Projects D and E land in my inbox. Due today.

Do you know what today is?

Today, I and other cycling widows and Tour followers worldwide will cast on (in the round, most likely) to knit tirelessly and heroically for the next 23 days in the Purl de France.

In fact, if Phil Ligget were commentating the event:

As much as knitting can be considered a solitary undertaking, it is also a team endeavor, with each of us driving our colleagues on, fighting back fatigue for the sake of arriving at the next stage, handing off our needles when we can no longer summon the spark that ignites in us the need to feel thin yarn transformed beneath our fingers into lengths of fabric. When it seems that there can be no hope of pushing off one more stitch in the exhaustion of the moment, it is at that moment that we can expect to see another knitter holding the skein in a show of solidarity.

Really the question becomes whether we knit to arrive at the top of the mountain, to wave aloft another finished object in triumph, or whether the victory lies in the passage of the journey itself.

Join me, won't you? Together we'll dig deep into the suitcase of courage commonly reserved for the most elite among us, drawing forth the wherewithall to complete row after row. From the time when the first stitch is turned in anger until the finish line looms clear on the horizon.

A quick note about how I'm working off 10 pounds of stress-induced weight gain.

1. I'm a dieter, not an exerciser. I know that leading an active life is important and all. I do walk briskly in the halls en route to the bathroom. I do want to look like I exercise regularly. I just don't want to have to do it.

2. I'm a calorie counter, not a Weight-Watcher. I can pretty much tell you off the top of my head how many calories are in anything. A medium-sized apple? 60 calories. A chunk of lasagna? 350-600 depending on the meat/cheese ratio. It's one of those useless skills I'm proud of, like being able to type 35 wpm one-handed.

3. I use Fitday. And you're encouraged to keep me honest by visiting my public Fitday link over there on the left.

4. I'm going with my favorite diet plan, the 2-4-6 diet. I feel like it's something I made up, but I probably read it somewhere, so please don't sue me. 200 calories for breakfast, 400 for lunch, and 600 for dinner. It's completely reasonable and easy to stick to, especially when used in combination with Fitday. The only rules are that fruit must be included in the lunch tally, and vegetables must be included with dinner.

5. I hate exercise. Unless knitting is exercise.

While I'm trying to scare up some time to start posting again, I'd wholeheartedly encourage you to go look at my vacation photos here.

There are gratuitous yarn shots throughout. And some of my family and stuff. But also yarn.

Reluctantly back to posting again. I was pretending I was still on vacation in a little Smoky Mountain log cabin away from phones and sales meetings. And I was knitting in front of a cozy fire on a rainy afternoon while the girls acted out scenes from Little House on the Prairie in the loft. And Gary, with his nose pressed wistfully against the window pane, wished the rain would stop so he could ride the bike trail through town again.

It was amazingly beautiful and perfect. I'm convinced the small town we stayed in would be a perfect site for my alpaca farm, which I shall one day own and operate.

Lots and lots of knitting was accomplished. It's not as impressive without photos, but I can't actually help myself, so I'll post photos eventually.

I finished my red-toed socks midway through the week, which then had the privilege of being photographed as finished objects lounging in front of the fireplace. On the drive home, I finished my silk cardigan and cast on for some more socks with some Wildfoote sock yarn I bought. I also bought some purple homespun wool from a very nice local artist, but I'm not sure what I'll do with that yet.

Gertrude only vomited once and Matilda only complained three times. The rest of the time, they actually seemed to like us and each other. I call that a successful family trip.

Le Socks!

P5310018
Originally uploaded by squeakyweasels.

Look at these tasty little softies! My Instant Gratification Socks are done.

So here we were Wednesday night after the Lost finale:



That's right, I figured we'd just do a nice, traditional, ribbed sock. Nothing fancy. Just ribs. I love ribs. They would be a classic complement to the brilliant yarn colors.

I don't know if you've noticed this about me or not, but I can't leave well enough alone. And so, I give you:



Psychedelic Daisy Socks.

It also seems that after a day of writing promotional materials for health care books, the daisies start to look a little like skin lesions. In a good way.

I just love them!

Last Day of School!

P5240022
Originally uploaded by squeakyweasels.

It's the end of the school year! Don't they both look a thousand times smarter and more sophisticated than when they started? That tall one is going to middle school next year. Eep.

Did you know Brittany makes double points? Yes! They do! Like buttah.

Okay, so that super-secret package that came in the mail? I'm test-knitting Hill Country Yarn's Instant Gratification sock yarn in the color "Happy," which is exactly what I have been since the moment I touched the stuff. The hand dyed colors are rich and vibrant and the yarn is so nice and soft.

To prove to the yarn my intentions were pure, I immediately wound it into balls and swatched it. I'm getting about 6 stitches to the inch on my brand-new Brittany #4s.

We're so very much in love, this yarn and I.

Looks like the definitive answer to the sock toe question is RED! I'm so with you guys. Red was my first choice, followed closely by the black. Nice! These are going to be kick-ass socks after all.

I'm about 25% through sock number two, but it turns out I'm going to have to set both of them aside for a couple of weeks because of a super-secret and exciting package that just came in the mail! More on that in a day or so, because I have to go pick up some new #4 needles.

I accidentally typed "meedles." Hee hee. I like that better.

I was about to tell you that I had a sock crisis on my hands. But then I feared you would just tell me to take the socks off my hands.

Ahem.



I started these socks with the firm belief I had two skeins of this sock yarn. I don't know why, but around 11 p.m. last night I decided I should go rummage around and find the second skein because when you're nearing the toe of your first sock, you start to think about the second sock. And then that makes you think about finishing them both and kicking around the house in them, and you get all giggly and excited about the whole thing.

Well. There is no second skein. Not that I can find.

So this presents a problem. I could throw up my hands and abandon the socks because now they won't be perfect. I could keep going and keep my fingers crossed that I can squeak two socks out of this one skein. Or I could stop now, put this one on a holder, and get as far as I can on the second sock. If there's not enough yarn to finish them both, I can make the toes a different color.

I think that's what I'm going to do. I have half-skeins of three different colors of this same yarn that could be used for the toe.

And this is where I need an unbiased opinion. Which color would you make the theoretical toe of this sock?

#1 Almost-Sortof-Matching Denim Blue



#2 Classic Black



#3 Obnoxiously Unmatched-in-an-Almost-Intentional-Way Red



Please vote in the comments! This young sock's life is hanging in the balance.

My mouth just fell open!

As you may or may not know, I've become a knitting podcast* junkie. Whenever I have a long stretch of text editing or mindless work to do, I play an episode or two of one of my favorite podcasts like Cast On, Pixie Purls, Knitty D and the City, Pointy Sticks...

So today I was making edits to an email promotion and listening to Knit2BTied, which is a lot like being on the phone with a good friend. I'm typing. She's chatting about life and knitting. I'm listening.

And then she Said My Name! And talked about the DNA tank pattern down below!

I actually clapped my hands and wiggled with glee.

Touch me, I'm famous.

*What? You didn't know there was such a thing as a knitting podcast? Are you living in 2004, or something?

This...



...is MOMOPOLIS, the coolest virtual city/Mother's Day card ever created by two girls and a terrific dad.

This cracks me up. I love it!



They made me coffee. We ate strawberries. And for dinner they're going to make me banana pecan pancakes with maple butter and crispy bacon. And I get to do whatever I want all day!

So I've decided to have a moment of reckoning with the works-in-progress shelf.

WIP #1: Ill-conceived legwarmers

Start date: Sometime in 2004 when I thought legwarmers were back.
Status: Fully knit, just need to be seamed.
Prognosis: Poor. They're itchy and ugly and full of newbie-knitter mistakes. Plus, they're legwarmers.

WIP #2: Mystery Shawl

Start date: August 2005.
Status: I'm on the last lap, the knitted-on edging.
Prognosis: Good. Although I'm only ever to get about one lace repeat done at a time before I get bored again, I've invested far too much in it to give up now.

WIP #3: Monk's Travel Satchel

Start date: Who the hell knows.
Status: The strap and a few other bits and pieces are knit. There's a tangle of intarsia that makes me want to throw up. The whole thing is a mishmash of ugly, scratchy, old acrylic from various decades past.
Prognosis: Terminal. The only reason I haven't tossed the whole thing in the trash is some lingering guilt over the fact that it started out as a gift.

WIP #4: Short-sleeved silk cardigan

Start date: A few weeks ago
Status: More than 1/2 finished
Prognosis: Excellent. This is a quick knit, a nice yarn, and a pretty pattern. I don't expect this to be on the WIP shelf for long.

WIP #5: Go With the Flow socks

Start date: Two days ago
Status: One sock is over 50% completed
Prognosis: Good. I really like this pattern, so as long as I can keep the momentum going through sock #2, this should be a finished pair in a few weeks.

WIP #6: Knitty's 1930 underwear set

Start date: Summer 2004
Status: 100% knitted. 75% second-guessed.
Prognosis: Fair. Oh, the importance of gauge. While the top fits all right, the bottoms are nowhere near my size. You could fit two of us in there. With each of us holding a big, juicy slice of triple-meat pizza. So I'm either going to unseam them, rip them out, and reknit them, or forget the whole thing.

So, there. That's not too bad. Now that I've given them each their moment in the spotlight, maybe I can let a few of them go.

Now I'm going to go pick up some sushi for lunch!

ProtoPretty DNA sweater shell or tank

ProtoPretty DNA Top... THE PATTERN!



Sizing: Bust 33(36, 40, 44)"

Sizing note: Negative ease is built into this pattern because the front lace panels are stretchy. Choose the size closest to your actual measurement.

Gauge: 19 stitches and 26 rows to 4" (measure a mainly stockinette portion of diamond lace pattern)

Stitches used:
1x1 rib (row 1: K1, P1, row 2: knit the knits, purl the purls)
Diamond background lace (see chart A)
Modified Torchon lace (see chart B)
DNA cable (see chart C)

Front
CO 76(82, 90, 100) stitches. Work in 1x1 rib for one inch. On final WS row, place markers after 11th(14th, 18th, 23rd) stitch, 29th(31st, 35th, 40th) stitch, 49th(51st, 55th, 60th) stitch, and 65th(68th, 72nd, 77th) stitch. You should have a section of 11(14, 18, 23) stitches, a section of 17 stitches, a center section of 20 stitches, 17 stitches, then 11(14, 18, 23) stitches.

Begin working charts. Work Chart A in the first section of stitches, Chart B in the next section, the DNA cable in the center section, Chart B, then Chart A. NOTE: begin with ROW 3 of the DNA cable (the chart, as written, begins with a 2-row border. Skip this border and begin on row 3 of the chart).

At the same time, when work measures 3 inches, begin waist shaping: Decrease 1 stitch at beginning and end of every other RS row 5(4, 5, 6) times. Maintain pattern and be aware of stitch count. Always be sure you have room to decrease after a YO, otherwise omit the YO and knit to the end of the row. When you have 66(74, 80, 88) stitches, work even until piece measures 9 inches total length.

Begin increases: Increase 1 stitch at beginning and end of every other RS row 7(5, 7, 8) times, staying in pattern. When you have 80(84, 94, 104) stitches, work even until piece measures 16(16, 16.5, 17) inches total length.

Bind off for arm holes: Bind off 3 stitches at beginning of next 2 rows, 2 stitches at beginning of next 4(3, 4, 4) rows, and 1 stitches next 10(8, 8, 10) rows. You should have 56(64, 72, 80) stitches.

Work even until piece measures 19.5(19.5, 20, 21) inches. Begin neck shaping: Work 23(27, 31, 35) stitches and put these stitches on a holder. Bind off center 10 stitches, then work to end. Decrease at neck edge every other row: 4 stitches twice, 3 stitches twice. Work remaining stitches until total length is 23(23, 23.5, 24) inches. Bind off. Repeat neck shaping on other side.

Back
CO 78(84, 92, 102) stitches. Work 1 inch ribbing. K1 edge stitch, then work Diamond lace pattern (chart A) repeating to last stitch, K1 edge stitch. Work shaping the same as front piece, leaving one edge stitch on each side. (NOTE: this edge stitch is important because following the lace pattern will require certain rows to "begin" with a yarn over.)

Finishing
Seam front and back pieces together. Pick up stitches around arm holes and neck, working 1x1 rib for about one inch each. Block to size.


Diamond background lace (Chart A)
Get chart here (it's a PDF. sorry) Diamond background lace chart
Work odd rows in pattern and purl even rows.


Modified Torchon Lace Insertion (Chart B)
Get chart here: Torchon Insertion chart
WORK EVERY EVEN ROW AS A PURL ROW.


DNA Cable (Chart C)
Get chart here: DNA cable
Omit border and BEGIN WITH ROW 3

Dedicated to anyone who gets it, here's my ProtoPretty lace tank:





And the back:





Here it is being modeled by my new best friend, Bessy (yes, after the band Dressy Bessy):



I got--er--will be getting her for Mother's Day. Just because she's hanging out in the yarn studio outside of her box doesn't mean the ceremony of it is any bit diminished.

I wrote this pattern up all on my own using actual math, which makes me even more astonished that it fits so perfectly. I plan on posting it later or whenever I feel inspired to type it.

But the cable is not my creation, that's June Oshiro's DNA cable which is one of the more brilliant things I've ever seen.

The DNA is pretty
You know it makes me smile.
The oxygen is plenty
Don't touch that dial...

--Proto Pretty, by the Wondermints

sunflower sproutlets

sunflower sproutlets
Originally uploaded by squeakyweasels.

Why, hello there little Sunflowers!

Although I told my dad I was going to plant them straight into the ground, I found this little peat starter kit stashed away in the shed, so Gertrude and all the kids in the neighborhood helped me poke them into the neatly prepackaged dirt on Saturday. This is what they look like Thursday morning, all snug inside my little plastic greenhouse.

This weekend, I'm probably going to break ground on my next overly ambitious gardening project. I'm moving the garden into the middle of our back yard, away from the fenceline shared by my neighbor's weirdly exotic flowers and roses.

There will be rustic wooden fencing and a stone path. Because I don't know how to plan reasonable projects, apparently.

Does anyone want to help me build one of these?

Somewhere amid my plans to grow sunflowers for my kids this summer, the gauntlet was thrown down. My dad has his own sunflower garden planned. And a rivalry is brewing.

I was over at their house on Easter, and I pointed to a sunny spot in the yard. “Is that where you’re planning to put your sunflowers?” I asked innocently.

Dad looked at me with suspicion. “Is that where you would put them?”

“I don’t know,” I hedged evasively. “Looks like you could get some serious midday shade from that tree right there.”

“Of course I wouldn’t want to put them there. Would I.”

“Oh, hell no.”

“Unless…”

“Unless that side of the house gets better morning light.”

“Right. Unless is does…”

We narrowed our eyes at each other.

This morning, I received the following sunflower-growing tips via email:

1. It’s best to plant the seeds of the Helianthus Annus about 1 inch deep.


2. Initially, seeds should be planted in small plastic or moldy clay containers in the depths of a cool, damp basement or cellar until your father’s seeds have sprouted and look especially lively.


3. Water the plantings well.


4. After planting keep the soil fairly moist after they sprout.


5. Fertilize with common gamefish native to the region, carp and catfish heads are especially good for this purpose


6. Or crappie


7. Plan your garden to have a strip 1 1/2 to 2 feet wide


8. In a trench at least 4 feet deep. Make Gary help.


9. To keep birds out of your flowers, its best to practise Falconry during the early spring months.


10. Relax and enjoy your garden of sunflowers: there is no competition to grow the biggest and the best. Unless mine get bigger, then I get bragging rights.

Recently I mentioned the sunflower competition to Gary and wondered aloud if I’d bought the right variety of seeds.

“Oh,” he said. “Those were for planting?”

It just occurred to me that the brown sequined scarf I'm wearing as a belt today might not be entirely brown.

I'm tired of having this conversation with myself:

Me-1: Is this brown or green?

Me-2: I don't know…probably!

It may be time for brown-green to go the way of the blue-purple debate. The answer to that question is “brugle.”

There are 1812 messages in my inbox. That was a good war.