How is my Christmas shopping? 90 percent completed! Christmas knitting? 90 percent! Copy on my desk that I have to turn over before noon today? 90 percent! Everything's at 90 percent.
That just means I've been completely buried by the other tens. It's kind of a problem, because once something gets to about 90 percent done in my head, I just go on and mentally check it off the list.
This morning I'm trying to do a full day's worth of my old job so I can devote the afternoon to figuring out what I'm supposed to be doing in my new job after next week. My door is shut so that when my head explodes I won't spray matter at anyone. No that it matters (ha ha) because most folks have already left town for the holidays.
90 is starting feel like good enough for most of it, don't you think? Except the knitting.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Forget it (I already have!)
I love the Christmas task listing! I started out in November with a big fat list of stuff I needed to do, and every week I cross things off! Because I haven't done them and now I no longer feel they're all that necessary to my enjoyment of the holiday.
Note to self. Sometimes ignoring things DOES make them go away!
Gertrude has launched her little six-year-old self into the season with a metaphysical exploration of all the major religious beliefs and their accompanying celebrations. This past weekend, she insisted on buying a wooden dreidel and phoning up a Jewish friend of ours to find out what the symbols meant. This was on the heels of a discussion of angels and whether or not people who are still alive can feel angels hugging them. This morning, she asked what Kwanzaa was and what kind of people celebrate it.
Meanwhile, I've fallen in love with this little ending credits song by Jonathan Coulton:
And I made an offhand comment to Gary that it really needed to be the centerpiece of a CD. Something about the epic struggle of man vs. robots and technology.
An hour later, he bounded upstairs and handed it to me. A CD of Evil Genius. Oh, yes. He is that good. You should borrow it sometime.
Note to self. Sometimes ignoring things DOES make them go away!
Gertrude has launched her little six-year-old self into the season with a metaphysical exploration of all the major religious beliefs and their accompanying celebrations. This past weekend, she insisted on buying a wooden dreidel and phoning up a Jewish friend of ours to find out what the symbols meant. This was on the heels of a discussion of angels and whether or not people who are still alive can feel angels hugging them. This morning, she asked what Kwanzaa was and what kind of people celebrate it.
Meanwhile, I've fallen in love with this little ending credits song by Jonathan Coulton:
And I made an offhand comment to Gary that it really needed to be the centerpiece of a CD. Something about the epic struggle of man vs. robots and technology.
An hour later, he bounded upstairs and handed it to me. A CD of Evil Genius. Oh, yes. He is that good. You should borrow it sometime.
Monday, December 03, 2007
Back!
Like the new template? Neither do I. But at least this one's not breaking the Internet. And okay, Blogger's drag and drop editing IS way faster and easier than doing it by hand.
If I owe you a link, I promise I'm in the process of digging through the messed up code of the old site's wreckage to try and get that stuff back up.
If I owe you a link, I promise I'm in the process of digging through the messed up code of the old site's wreckage to try and get that stuff back up.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Fun with bankers
We opened two new checking accounts today at lunch. Gary already has his business accounts at this particular bank, and we'd decided to switch our personal accounts over.
As our friendly rep was walking us through the online bill pay setup, he showed us how we'd be able to transfer money easily between accounts.
"You can also name them whatever you want," he mentioned. "Just type the name of the account in here."
Gary said, "We can name them anything?"
"Sure, whatever you want."
Gary looked at me. "We should name one Peter," he said. "And the other one Paul."
This is why I married him.
As our friendly rep was walking us through the online bill pay setup, he showed us how we'd be able to transfer money easily between accounts.
"You can also name them whatever you want," he mentioned. "Just type the name of the account in here."
Gary said, "We can name them anything?"
"Sure, whatever you want."
Gary looked at me. "We should name one Peter," he said. "And the other one Paul."
This is why I married him.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Dogs don't get birthday cake
Gert and I were cuddling on the couch before school, and Finnegan wandered into the room. He came over and set his furry little dog chin right on my knee.
"How's things, Bud?" I asked him.
"Rough," he said.
I skritched his ears sympathetically.
My little baby Gert is six today! She's such a smart and sweet and funny little human. No wonder Finnegan is a little sad to see her growing up.
"How's things, Bud?" I asked him.
"Rough," he said.
I skritched his ears sympathetically.
My little baby Gert is six today! She's such a smart and sweet and funny little human. No wonder Finnegan is a little sad to see her growing up.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Homemade Apple Pi
Did you need a quick and fun gift for your kids' teachers? Because I did…
Apple Pi
A felted apple cozy with leaf drawstring
Materials:
Less than 1 skein each Elann Peruvian Highland wool (or other feltable worsted wool), dark red and white or natural (off-white)
A few yards of worsted weight green yarn (example uses Reynold's Signature wool/acrylic)
Small amount of NON-WOOL scrap yarn
Size 4 DPNs (or size needed to obtain gauge)
Size G crochet hook
Gauge: 5 sts/inch in stockinette stitch, before felting
Bottom of apple:
Using red yarn, CO 6 sts onto 3 needles. Place a marker and join for working in the round, and increase every stitch by knitting into the front and back (KFB). (12 sts)
*Knit one row. KFB every other stitch to end of row. Repeat from * 3 times.
Rearrange sts over 4 needles when desired.
Knit one row.
KFB every 3rd st to end of row (54 sts).
Apple body:
**NOTE: at this point, if you do not wish to include the pi symbol, continue to "drawstring shaping" by knitting 21 rows plain.**
Knit 8 rows.
After marker, k 5 sts and then begin working chart at row 1, working each row from right to left:
X=red
O=white
9. - - - - o o - - - -
8. - - - o - - o - - o
7. - - o - - - - o o -
6. - o - - - - - - - -
5. o - - - o - - o - -
4. - - - - o - - o - -
3. - - - - o - - o - -
2. - - - - o - - o - -
1. - - - - o - - o - - (← begin chart here)
After row 9 of chart, knit 5 rows plain.
Drawstring shaping:
Next row: *K2, k2tog. Repeat from * to marker at end of row. (42 sts)
Knit one row.
*K2, yo. Repeat from * to end of row, ending with a yo.
Knit 3 more rows.
Picot point bind-off:
BO 2, *slip lone stitch left on right needle back to left needle. Cast on 3 sts to left needle using backward loop method. BO 5. Repeat from * to end.
Felting:
Thread non-wool scrap yarn through drawstring holes and felt vigorously, using the felting method of your choice.
Reshape and allow to dry.
Leaf drawstring:
Using green yarn, crochet a chain approx. 12 inches long. Break yarn and pull through loop to secure.
Remove the scrap yarn from apple and thread the chain through the drawstring holes. You should have both ends exiting from the same hole.
Leaves (make 2):
Using green yarn and 2 needles, CO 3 sts, leaving a 4-5 inch tail.
Next row, slip 1 st knitwise, KFB to increase, k1. (4 sts).
Sl1 purlwise, bring yarn to front and KFB next 2 sts, p1. (6 sts)
Sl1 knitwise, KFB, k2, KFB, k1. (8 sts)
Sl1 purlwise, purl to end of row.
Sl1 knitwise, ssk, k2, k2tog, k1.
Sl1 purlwise, purl to end of row.
Sl1 knitwise, ssk, k2tog, k1.
Sl1 purlwise, p2tog, p1.
Slip 1, k2tog, psso. Break yarn and weave in end.
Knot each leaf's CO tail to each end of the crochet chain, and weave in ends securely.
Apple Pi
A felted apple cozy with leaf drawstring
Materials:
Less than 1 skein each Elann Peruvian Highland wool (or other feltable worsted wool), dark red and white or natural (off-white)
A few yards of worsted weight green yarn (example uses Reynold's Signature wool/acrylic)
Small amount of NON-WOOL scrap yarn
Size 4 DPNs (or size needed to obtain gauge)
Size G crochet hook
Gauge: 5 sts/inch in stockinette stitch, before felting
Bottom of apple:
Using red yarn, CO 6 sts onto 3 needles. Place a marker and join for working in the round, and increase every stitch by knitting into the front and back (KFB). (12 sts)
*Knit one row. KFB every other stitch to end of row. Repeat from * 3 times.
Rearrange sts over 4 needles when desired.
Knit one row.
KFB every 3rd st to end of row (54 sts).
Apple body:
**NOTE: at this point, if you do not wish to include the pi symbol, continue to "drawstring shaping" by knitting 21 rows plain.**
Knit 8 rows.
After marker, k 5 sts and then begin working chart at row 1, working each row from right to left:
X=red
O=white
9. - - - - o o - - - -
8. - - - o - - o - - o
7. - - o - - - - o o -
6. - o - - - - - - - -
5. o - - - o - - o - -
4. - - - - o - - o - -
3. - - - - o - - o - -
2. - - - - o - - o - -
1. - - - - o - - o - - (← begin chart here)
After row 9 of chart, knit 5 rows plain.
Drawstring shaping:
Next row: *K2, k2tog. Repeat from * to marker at end of row. (42 sts)
Knit one row.
*K2, yo. Repeat from * to end of row, ending with a yo.
Knit 3 more rows.
Picot point bind-off:
BO 2, *slip lone stitch left on right needle back to left needle. Cast on 3 sts to left needle using backward loop method. BO 5. Repeat from * to end.
Felting:
Thread non-wool scrap yarn through drawstring holes and felt vigorously, using the felting method of your choice.
Reshape and allow to dry.
Leaf drawstring:
Using green yarn, crochet a chain approx. 12 inches long. Break yarn and pull through loop to secure.
Remove the scrap yarn from apple and thread the chain through the drawstring holes. You should have both ends exiting from the same hole.
Leaves (make 2):
Using green yarn and 2 needles, CO 3 sts, leaving a 4-5 inch tail.
Next row, slip 1 st knitwise, KFB to increase, k1. (4 sts).
Sl1 purlwise, bring yarn to front and KFB next 2 sts, p1. (6 sts)
Sl1 knitwise, KFB, k2, KFB, k1. (8 sts)
Sl1 purlwise, purl to end of row.
Sl1 knitwise, ssk, k2, k2tog, k1.
Sl1 purlwise, purl to end of row.
Sl1 knitwise, ssk, k2tog, k1.
Sl1 purlwise, p2tog, p1.
Slip 1, k2tog, psso. Break yarn and weave in end.
Knot each leaf's CO tail to each end of the crochet chain, and weave in ends securely.
Friday, November 09, 2007
Siblings of the night
Gert had a half day at school yesterday, so I met her at the bus for a lunch date at McDonalds.
A bunch of kids from Gert's school had had the same idea, so as we were waiting in line for McNuggets and fries, she pointed out to me which kids she knew.
One set of blonde-haired kids accompanied by a grandparent looked about the same age, so I asked Gert if she knew if they were twins.
"Yes, they are!" she told me. "But they don't look exactly alike. They're nocturnal."
The twins looked directly at me with innocent smiles, and their pale eyes flashed red.
A bunch of kids from Gert's school had had the same idea, so as we were waiting in line for McNuggets and fries, she pointed out to me which kids she knew.
One set of blonde-haired kids accompanied by a grandparent looked about the same age, so I asked Gert if she knew if they were twins.
"Yes, they are!" she told me. "But they don't look exactly alike. They're nocturnal."
The twins looked directly at me with innocent smiles, and their pale eyes flashed red.
Monday, November 05, 2007
I'm sorry... WHAT time is it?
Hello, it's Monday. It's November. Daylight savings time has officially kicked in, and with it my annual holiday freak out.
I'm not knitting Christmas gifts this year. I'm not! Except for the seven that I haven't started yet. Seven is actually a lot more than zero, I guess, if you really think about it. Thinking about it is where I draw the line.
Thinking about things leads to thinking about more things, which leads to a big, fat anxiety spiral. But that's another topic.
The Christmas knitting involves things I really do want to make, so I'm looking forward to that. Just not the rest of it.
Every time I try and let things go, I end up feeling twice as worthless because of all the things I could have done but didn't. So that's not the answer.
Maybe this will help. I printed the checklists, forms, and countdowns on this site, and put them in a neat little binder. The more tasks I check off, the more sane I feel. So maybe that's a good thing.
I'm not knitting Christmas gifts this year. I'm not! Except for the seven that I haven't started yet. Seven is actually a lot more than zero, I guess, if you really think about it. Thinking about it is where I draw the line.
Thinking about things leads to thinking about more things, which leads to a big, fat anxiety spiral. But that's another topic.
The Christmas knitting involves things I really do want to make, so I'm looking forward to that. Just not the rest of it.
Every time I try and let things go, I end up feeling twice as worthless because of all the things I could have done but didn't. So that's not the answer.
Maybe this will help. I printed the checklists, forms, and countdowns on this site, and put them in a neat little binder. The more tasks I check off, the more sane I feel. So maybe that's a good thing.
Friday, November 02, 2007
Genome Map Socks
Hooray, hooray, it free pattern day!
I'm really excited about this one. Not only does it start the month off on a deliciously geeky note, it gives you the opportunity to "play" with the louder and brighter colors in stripy sock yarns. So here we go...
Genome Map Socks
Description:
Socks knit from the cuff down in self-striping yarn, applying different stitch patterns to certain colors to achieve distinct areas of color that resemble a linear genome map.
Materials:
Yarn: 400-500 yards of sock yarn in a repeating colorway that contains one predominant color or hue, and 1-3 accent colors.
Needles: 5 size #1 DPN’s or the size needed to achieve gauge.
Gauge:
7 stitch = 1 inch in stockinette stitch
Size:
Women’s S(M, L)
Cast on 52(56, 60) sts and divide equally over 4 needles. *Purl 1 row. K 2 rows. Repeat from * 3 times to create garter stitch cuff.
Begin stitch pattern:
Designate one accent color as Color A, and a second accent color as Color B. If you want to designate a third color (Color C), it can be worked in the same way as Color B.
Work in st st (knit every stitch) until the color of the yarn changes to Color A or Color B (or Color C, if applicable). When working stitches in Color A, *yo, k2tog, repeat until the yarn color changes again, ending with k2tog. Resume st st in main color(s). When working stitches in Color B, purl every stitch until the yarn color changes again. Resume st st in main color(s).
Continue in stitch pattern until length of cuff measures 6-1/2(7, 7-1/2) inches or desired length.
Work heel flap:
Knit across 26(28, 30) stitches for heel flap, and arrange the remaining stitches on the other needles to be worked later. Turn, and purl back across heel flap. Continue heel flap as follows:
Row 1: (RS) *Slip 1 stitch wyib (selvedge stitch), k1, repeat from *.
Row 2: (WS) Slip 1 stitch wyif (selvedge stitch), purl to end of row.
Work heel flap until you have 13(14, 15) selvedge stitches on each edge.
Turn heel:
Row 1 (RS): Knit 15(16, 17) sts, ssk, k1, turn.
Row 2: slip 1, p5, p2tog, p1, turn.
Row 3: sl 1, k to one st before gap, ssk, k1, turn.
Row 4: sl 1, p to one st before gap, p2tog, p1, turn.
Repeat rows 3 and 4 until all heel sts have been worked.
Knit across heel sts, and pick up and knit 13(14, 15) along heel flap. Work 26(28, 30) instep sts in established pattern. Pick up and knit 13(14, 15) along other side of heel flap. Total sts: 68(72, 78).
Decrease gussets:
Round 1: K to 3 sts from instep, k2tog, k1, work instep sts in pattern, k1, ssk, work to end of round.
Round 2: k to instep sts, work instep sts in pattern, k to end of round.
Repeat rounds 1 and 2 until sts are decreased to 52(56, 60) sts.
Arrange stitches on needles: 13(14, 15) sts on needles 1 and 2 (top of foot), and 13(14, 15) sts on needles 3 and 4 (bottom of foot).
Work sts on needles 1 and 2 in pattern, and needles 3 and 4 in st st until foot measures about 6-1/2(7-1/2, 8) inches, or about 2 inches less than total desired foor length.
Begin toe decreases:
Decrease round: On needle 1, k1, ssk, k to end. K to last 3 sts on needle 2, k2tog, k1. On needle 3, k1, ssk, k to end. K to last 3 sts on needle 4, k2tog, k1.
Knit 1 round plain.
Repeat decrease round and knit round until you have 6(7, 7) sts on EACH needle remaining – 26(28, 28) total.
Repeat decrease round until 8 sts total remain (2 sts on each needle).
Graft 8 sts together using kitchener st.
I'm really excited about this one. Not only does it start the month off on a deliciously geeky note, it gives you the opportunity to "play" with the louder and brighter colors in stripy sock yarns. So here we go...
Genome Map Socks
Description:
Socks knit from the cuff down in self-striping yarn, applying different stitch patterns to certain colors to achieve distinct areas of color that resemble a linear genome map.
Materials:
Yarn: 400-500 yards of sock yarn in a repeating colorway that contains one predominant color or hue, and 1-3 accent colors.
Needles: 5 size #1 DPN’s or the size needed to achieve gauge.
Gauge:
7 stitch = 1 inch in stockinette stitch
Size:
Women’s S(M, L)
Cast on 52(56, 60) sts and divide equally over 4 needles. *Purl 1 row. K 2 rows. Repeat from * 3 times to create garter stitch cuff.
Begin stitch pattern:
Designate one accent color as Color A, and a second accent color as Color B. If you want to designate a third color (Color C), it can be worked in the same way as Color B.
Work in st st (knit every stitch) until the color of the yarn changes to Color A or Color B (or Color C, if applicable). When working stitches in Color A, *yo, k2tog, repeat until the yarn color changes again, ending with k2tog. Resume st st in main color(s). When working stitches in Color B, purl every stitch until the yarn color changes again. Resume st st in main color(s).
Continue in stitch pattern until length of cuff measures 6-1/2(7, 7-1/2) inches or desired length.
Work heel flap:
Knit across 26(28, 30) stitches for heel flap, and arrange the remaining stitches on the other needles to be worked later. Turn, and purl back across heel flap. Continue heel flap as follows:
Row 1: (RS) *Slip 1 stitch wyib (selvedge stitch), k1, repeat from *.
Row 2: (WS) Slip 1 stitch wyif (selvedge stitch), purl to end of row.
Work heel flap until you have 13(14, 15) selvedge stitches on each edge.
Turn heel:
Row 1 (RS): Knit 15(16, 17) sts, ssk, k1, turn.
Row 2: slip 1, p5, p2tog, p1, turn.
Row 3: sl 1, k to one st before gap, ssk, k1, turn.
Row 4: sl 1, p to one st before gap, p2tog, p1, turn.
Repeat rows 3 and 4 until all heel sts have been worked.
Knit across heel sts, and pick up and knit 13(14, 15) along heel flap. Work 26(28, 30) instep sts in established pattern. Pick up and knit 13(14, 15) along other side of heel flap. Total sts: 68(72, 78).
Decrease gussets:
Round 1: K to 3 sts from instep, k2tog, k1, work instep sts in pattern, k1, ssk, work to end of round.
Round 2: k to instep sts, work instep sts in pattern, k to end of round.
Repeat rounds 1 and 2 until sts are decreased to 52(56, 60) sts.
Arrange stitches on needles: 13(14, 15) sts on needles 1 and 2 (top of foot), and 13(14, 15) sts on needles 3 and 4 (bottom of foot).
Work sts on needles 1 and 2 in pattern, and needles 3 and 4 in st st until foot measures about 6-1/2(7-1/2, 8) inches, or about 2 inches less than total desired foor length.
Begin toe decreases:
Decrease round: On needle 1, k1, ssk, k to end. K to last 3 sts on needle 2, k2tog, k1. On needle 3, k1, ssk, k to end. K to last 3 sts on needle 4, k2tog, k1.
Knit 1 round plain.
Repeat decrease round and knit round until you have 6(7, 7) sts on EACH needle remaining – 26(28, 28) total.
Repeat decrease round until 8 sts total remain (2 sts on each needle).
Graft 8 sts together using kitchener st.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
NaKniDeMo! Let's make stuff up.
OK OK! This is going to be fun.
Thursday is the first day of November, which means it's the official kickoff of National Knitwear Design Month!
On each Friday in November, all participants will post a NEW and ORIGINAL free knitting pattern on their website. Each pattern should include:
1. A detailed sketch of the design
2. Photos of test swatches for gauge and illustration of key stitches
3. Complete, written pattern instructions for a handful of realistic sizes (for example: S, M, L, XL... or whatever makes sense)
I'm not a pro at this, so there are going to be errors. Therefore, anyone who knits up a NaKniDeMo pattern and provides feedback and a photo will be rewarded with a nifty set of beaded stitch markers that I will personally hand make with love and appreciation.*
*Anyone = a word which here means the first 3 people to submit feedback on each pattern.
Feel like designing too? Grab your ass and let's go!
Thursday is the first day of November, which means it's the official kickoff of National Knitwear Design Month!
On each Friday in November, all participants will post a NEW and ORIGINAL free knitting pattern on their website. Each pattern should include:
1. A detailed sketch of the design
2. Photos of test swatches for gauge and illustration of key stitches
3. Complete, written pattern instructions for a handful of realistic sizes (for example: S, M, L, XL... or whatever makes sense)
I'm not a pro at this, so there are going to be errors. Therefore, anyone who knits up a NaKniDeMo pattern and provides feedback and a photo will be rewarded with a nifty set of beaded stitch markers that I will personally hand make with love and appreciation.*
*Anyone = a word which here means the first 3 people to submit feedback on each pattern.
Feel like designing too? Grab your ass and let's go!
Thursday, October 25, 2007
A November of new designs!
For this year's NaNoWriMo, I'm going to skip all the in-between crap and take you right past the part where I bitch and complain and eventually give up.
Wasn't that satisfying? I kind of feel like it was.
Instead, I'm going to make the world a better place by designing a bunch of knitwear.
Will there be sketches? Yes! And patterns? Yes! Will they be posted here for free? You bet!
Will they be any good?
Um. Free!
And there will be fabulous prizes awarded to daring and speedy test knitters. No kidding. I'll have to work out all the details, but that's what I've got so far.
There's just no way I could get through November without making shit up in some fashion or another.
If you don't knit, you have six days to learn so you can be in on the fun. NaKniDeMo!
Wasn't that satisfying? I kind of feel like it was.
Instead, I'm going to make the world a better place by designing a bunch of knitwear.
Will there be sketches? Yes! And patterns? Yes! Will they be posted here for free? You bet!
Will they be any good?
Um. Free!
And there will be fabulous prizes awarded to daring and speedy test knitters. No kidding. I'll have to work out all the details, but that's what I've got so far.
There's just no way I could get through November without making shit up in some fashion or another.
If you don't knit, you have six days to learn so you can be in on the fun. NaKniDeMo!
Friday, October 19, 2007
Hannah Hangover
Hannah Montana, it was awesome.
Matilda screamed, danced, and sang at the top of her lungs the entire night.
Gert went into complete shutdown mode after the first half-hour, and rode out the overstimulation fest by sitting and watching from the safe venue of Daddy's lap. (She is only 5. The deafening sound and chest-thumping bass is probably something you have to develop an appreciation for over a few concert experiences.)
This morning, Matilda left the house for school totally decked out with a pop princess fashion aesthetic, her pink Miley concert tee layered over a pink striped, long-sleeved tee and her hair tied back with a pink skull-and-crossbones headband.
She bought a Jonas Brothers poster with her own money, and after hours of needling I finally got her to admit which Brother she "likes."
As groggy little Gert was getting dressed today, she asked if we could go again tonight. I told her Miley was well on her way to the next city by now. "Are you sure?" Gert pleaded. "We still have our tickets.."
Matilda screamed, danced, and sang at the top of her lungs the entire night.
Gert went into complete shutdown mode after the first half-hour, and rode out the overstimulation fest by sitting and watching from the safe venue of Daddy's lap. (She is only 5. The deafening sound and chest-thumping bass is probably something you have to develop an appreciation for over a few concert experiences.)
This morning, Matilda left the house for school totally decked out with a pop princess fashion aesthetic, her pink Miley concert tee layered over a pink striped, long-sleeved tee and her hair tied back with a pink skull-and-crossbones headband.
She bought a Jonas Brothers poster with her own money, and after hours of needling I finally got her to admit which Brother she "likes."
As groggy little Gert was getting dressed today, she asked if we could go again tonight. I told her Miley was well on her way to the next city by now. "Are you sure?" Gert pleaded. "We still have our tickets.."
Monday, October 15, 2007
The claw fairy
The cat lost a claw, and Gert found it. She held the pointy little whitish thing up to me, pinched between her thumb and finger, for me to identify.
The cat frequently leaves pieces of herself in my bedroom. Usually it's hair, or the contents of her stomach. But occasionally I find whiskers and claws too. I assume this is normal.
When I explained to Gert that Kismet must have lost a claw, she got very excited. She immediately ran to her room and put the claw under her pillow.
"Um," I hedged. "I don't think that works for claws..."
But Gert was undeterred. When Matilda walked into the room, Gert ran up to her to share her news.
"Kismet lost a claw!" she exclaimed. "And I put it under my pillow. For the Claw Fairy!"
Matilda looked at me, and we both started struggling to stifle laughter.
"Well—" Matilda choked. "I guess maybe some sort of fairy might come..."
I knew she was picturing the same thing I was. A horrifying, demon-spawn devil of a fairy with claws for hands and fangs for teeth, wild hair, and soul-less eyes like mirrors of the blackest depths of hell.
I think I know what I'm going to be for Halloween.
P.S., the Claw Fairy did come last night. She left a handful of dry cat food and a note that urged the cat to be kind to the little girl named Gert who loves her so.
The cat frequently leaves pieces of herself in my bedroom. Usually it's hair, or the contents of her stomach. But occasionally I find whiskers and claws too. I assume this is normal.
When I explained to Gert that Kismet must have lost a claw, she got very excited. She immediately ran to her room and put the claw under her pillow.
"Um," I hedged. "I don't think that works for claws..."
But Gert was undeterred. When Matilda walked into the room, Gert ran up to her to share her news.
"Kismet lost a claw!" she exclaimed. "And I put it under my pillow. For the Claw Fairy!"
Matilda looked at me, and we both started struggling to stifle laughter.
"Well—" Matilda choked. "I guess maybe some sort of fairy might come..."
I knew she was picturing the same thing I was. A horrifying, demon-spawn devil of a fairy with claws for hands and fangs for teeth, wild hair, and soul-less eyes like mirrors of the blackest depths of hell.
I think I know what I'm going to be for Halloween.
P.S., the Claw Fairy did come last night. She left a handful of dry cat food and a note that urged the cat to be kind to the little girl named Gert who loves her so.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Because coincidences ring hollow when they're not true
One day, I joke about giving Matilda a promotion.
Later the same week, I'm offered a promotion.
No, seriously. I have too much shame to make up lies that transparent.
You're looking at the new Creative Services Segment Manager. I'm a promotions strategy and initiatives leader! (I have my chest all puffed out when I say that.)
I'm excited. And a little conflicted, because for 90% of my professional life I've defined myself as a writer, and now writer is gone from my title. I'm in a new box on the org chart. I'm outside the writer/designer "talent pool." I report to my former boss' boss. I'm not so much writing anymore, I'm strategizing. I'm liasing. And I don't know what any of that means!
I need to go cast on for a new sweater...
Later the same week, I'm offered a promotion.
No, seriously. I have too much shame to make up lies that transparent.
You're looking at the new Creative Services Segment Manager. I'm a promotions strategy and initiatives leader! (I have my chest all puffed out when I say that.)
I'm excited. And a little conflicted, because for 90% of my professional life I've defined myself as a writer, and now writer is gone from my title. I'm in a new box on the org chart. I'm outside the writer/designer "talent pool." I report to my former boss' boss. I'm not so much writing anymore, I'm strategizing. I'm liasing. And I don't know what any of that means!
I need to go cast on for a new sweater...
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Promotion
This morning, I came into Matilda's room and sat down on her bed beside her. She looked at me funny, because I usually try to stay out of her space in the mornings. (She has a very tentative relationship with waking up, and most human contact throws the delicate balance into chaos.)
"Congratulations," I told her.
"Why?" She was suspicious.
"We've decided to offer you a promotion."
"Huh?"
I went on, my voice rising with enthusiasm. "We'd like you to take on the role of Senior Daughter. You'll receive a new title with an additional set of tasks and responsibilities, but with no appreciable pay increase. And we'll also ask you to take the bulk of the blame whenever things don't run smoothly around here."
"Um... okay...?"
I stood up and reached out to shake her hand. "Well done, M!"
She still has no idea what happened.
By the way, I have a new sweater! Here she is, Vernik Avery's Silver Streak from the current Vogue Knitting (it's one of the free cover patterns, here).
Details on Ravelry! (apologies to the non-users -- that link will work as soon as the site's live, I swear!)
"Congratulations," I told her.
"Why?" She was suspicious.
"We've decided to offer you a promotion."
"Huh?"
I went on, my voice rising with enthusiasm. "We'd like you to take on the role of Senior Daughter. You'll receive a new title with an additional set of tasks and responsibilities, but with no appreciable pay increase. And we'll also ask you to take the bulk of the blame whenever things don't run smoothly around here."
"Um... okay...?"
I stood up and reached out to shake her hand. "Well done, M!"
She still has no idea what happened.
By the way, I have a new sweater! Here she is, Vernik Avery's Silver Streak from the current Vogue Knitting (it's one of the free cover patterns, here).
Details on Ravelry! (apologies to the non-users -- that link will work as soon as the site's live, I swear!)
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Randomness
I keep thinking it's Friday. That means instead of Tuesdaying through the backlog of work on my desk, I'm sitting here with my eyes glazed over, Fridaying about what I'm going to do this weekend.
I need to find my winter clothes. Actually, I did find them. And they all depressed me.
Amended: I need to weed through my winter clothes and find things that A) still fit and B) aren't ugly.
I'd kind of like to unravel the rest of the alpaca sweater I started pulling apart last winter and see how much yardage I can get from it.
Skein & wash recycled yarn = Fun! Not! Come over and help me. We can also have cheesecake.
Is the garden dead yet? No. I can keep ignoring it while it continues to make futile offerings of tomatoes and peppers, hoping to recapture my affection.
Mittens. I think I'll make the girls mittens this winter. That alpaca is probably perfect for Eunny's anemoi mittens. For me, anyway. I think Gert and Matilda each need a pair of SpillyJane's piggy mitts.
I need to find my winter clothes. Actually, I did find them. And they all depressed me.
Amended: I need to weed through my winter clothes and find things that A) still fit and B) aren't ugly.
I'd kind of like to unravel the rest of the alpaca sweater I started pulling apart last winter and see how much yardage I can get from it.
Skein & wash recycled yarn = Fun! Not! Come over and help me. We can also have cheesecake.
Is the garden dead yet? No. I can keep ignoring it while it continues to make futile offerings of tomatoes and peppers, hoping to recapture my affection.
Mittens. I think I'll make the girls mittens this winter. That alpaca is probably perfect for Eunny's anemoi mittens. For me, anyway. I think Gert and Matilda each need a pair of SpillyJane's piggy mitts.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Simon Says
Simon Says is the best game ever.
I say to Gertrude: "Simon says... go put your pajamas on!"
And she fricking does it!
How long can I make this work?
The other night, she was in the bathtub fooling around as usual. I told her to please wash her hair. She said no. I told her, "Simon says, put some shampoo on your hand..."
She grabbed the shampoo bottle and happily squeezed some into her hand.
"Now scrub it into your hair!"
She paused, grinning, looking at me expectantly.
"Simon says scrub it into your hair!" I amended. She proceeded to scrub happily.
"Simon says..." I began. Gert sat there, with her head full of bubbles and her soapy hands held out in front of her, waiting for instructions.
I said, "... lick your hands!"
Gert's eyes got big and wide.
"I'M KIDDING!" I said.
I know. It was mean. But it was funny.
I say to Gertrude: "Simon says... go put your pajamas on!"
And she fricking does it!
How long can I make this work?
The other night, she was in the bathtub fooling around as usual. I told her to please wash her hair. She said no. I told her, "Simon says, put some shampoo on your hand..."
She grabbed the shampoo bottle and happily squeezed some into her hand.
"Now scrub it into your hair!"
She paused, grinning, looking at me expectantly.
"Simon says scrub it into your hair!" I amended. She proceeded to scrub happily.
"Simon says..." I began. Gert sat there, with her head full of bubbles and her soapy hands held out in front of her, waiting for instructions.
I said, "... lick your hands!"
Gert's eyes got big and wide.
"I'M KIDDING!" I said.
I know. It was mean. But it was funny.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Day 2: In which corners are turned and lines are crossed
When the alarm went off at 5:25 on Day 2, I was already awake. I was gazing vacantly at little Wheelie who was sitting on the table beside the alarm clock with his big, wide eyes staring back at me with a mixture of excitement and trepidation.
It was funny how his expression seemed to change depending on the situation. On the ride Saturday, he’d be looking up at me with eyes that sometimes confidently urged me on, occasionally wondered how we were going to make it, at one point pleaded for it to be over, and then proudly shined with triumph.
The night before, he and I both looked a little like this:
Over a few of these at dinner, our entire team decided to take the 40 mile loop on Sunday. After all, we’d done the work. We’d raised our funds. We’d ridden like banshees all day long. For crying out loud, we’d earned the easier ride.
Breakfast was being served at the start again, but the Waffle House behind our hotel was calling us. I wanted to want waffles. Instead, I wanted the peanut butter sandwich I knew I wasn’t going to get. Anything else was promising to sit in my nervous stomach like antimatter.
I looked around at the handful of other cyclists sitting at the counter and in booths, us all in our brightly colored team jerseys and lycra shorts. I was wearing the uniform. I was in the club. Cool.
It was a beautiful morning, and we took off following the green 40-mile arrows up a smooth incline. Wheelie beamed. I pedaled. We were in perfect synch with the bike, the scenery, and the road.
And at the first rest stop... peanut butter sandwiches!
I elbowed Gary. “Let’s do this route twice!”
I was feeling good. The kind of good you feel when nothing hurts and you have nowhere else to be.
I was riding along behind Gary and another team member, feeling fantastic and full of energy, and then it occurred to me. I always rode behind anyone I was riding with. Always! Even if I felt like pulling ahead, I’d say behind.
Because apparently, I was a sheep on wheels.
With that, I stood up in the pedals and pulled past Gary and Jon, sailing over the crest of a slight hill and then down a long and fairly steep descent. I ducked down into the drops and felt the wind from the speed wash over me, so loud I couldn’t hear anything but the rush of air.
I didn’t touch my brakes. I didn’t think about what would happen if I hit an acorn or a hole in the road. (Or an armadillo.) I went with it the entire way down.
Wheelie grinned up at me with a slightly dazed and blissed out look. Yes. We were officially hooked on speed.
After that, the uphills didn’t phase me as much because there was usually a downhill to look forward to. When it got tough, I bargained with myself just to stay on the bike as long as I could before I walked.
I didn’t have to walk that often, but near the end it became clear I was reaching a limit. I started looking for the please-make-this-easier gear, and then soon, the Jesus-stop-the-madness gear.
Look, said my legs after a particularly heinous climb. We’re not sure you’re completely understanding our situation here.
I ignored them, and on we went.
I found myself making mental lists to keep my mind off the fact that I’d been on the bike for about 8 hours over the past two days.
One: The human body is not a perfect machine. There are going to be peaks and valleys of energy, and you have to keep pedaling through one to get to the other.
Two: There’s no point worrying how fast you should be going or how well you should be able to climb a hill.
Three: Lip gloss is nature’s gnat magnet.
Before long, we were at the finish line. People cheered and held out medals. I reached out and snagged mine as I rode past, and held it up in the air, total cheeseball style. Wheelie’s eyes were brimming with emotion. I actually think he was proud of us.
We ate a bratwurst and headed home, all stinky and unshowered, to pick up the kids.
If you’d asked me at the finish line if I was planning to do anything like this again, I would have said hell no. But now? Absolutely I will. It’s kind of like childbirth. The memory of the sucky parts doesn’t stick around too long. All you’re left with is the good stuff.
You wouldn’t believe how great my ride was yesterday.
It was funny how his expression seemed to change depending on the situation. On the ride Saturday, he’d be looking up at me with eyes that sometimes confidently urged me on, occasionally wondered how we were going to make it, at one point pleaded for it to be over, and then proudly shined with triumph.
The night before, he and I both looked a little like this:
Over a few of these at dinner, our entire team decided to take the 40 mile loop on Sunday. After all, we’d done the work. We’d raised our funds. We’d ridden like banshees all day long. For crying out loud, we’d earned the easier ride.
Breakfast was being served at the start again, but the Waffle House behind our hotel was calling us. I wanted to want waffles. Instead, I wanted the peanut butter sandwich I knew I wasn’t going to get. Anything else was promising to sit in my nervous stomach like antimatter.
I looked around at the handful of other cyclists sitting at the counter and in booths, us all in our brightly colored team jerseys and lycra shorts. I was wearing the uniform. I was in the club. Cool.
It was a beautiful morning, and we took off following the green 40-mile arrows up a smooth incline. Wheelie beamed. I pedaled. We were in perfect synch with the bike, the scenery, and the road.
And at the first rest stop... peanut butter sandwiches!
I elbowed Gary. “Let’s do this route twice!”
I was feeling good. The kind of good you feel when nothing hurts and you have nowhere else to be.
I was riding along behind Gary and another team member, feeling fantastic and full of energy, and then it occurred to me. I always rode behind anyone I was riding with. Always! Even if I felt like pulling ahead, I’d say behind.
Because apparently, I was a sheep on wheels.
With that, I stood up in the pedals and pulled past Gary and Jon, sailing over the crest of a slight hill and then down a long and fairly steep descent. I ducked down into the drops and felt the wind from the speed wash over me, so loud I couldn’t hear anything but the rush of air.
I didn’t touch my brakes. I didn’t think about what would happen if I hit an acorn or a hole in the road. (Or an armadillo.) I went with it the entire way down.
Wheelie grinned up at me with a slightly dazed and blissed out look. Yes. We were officially hooked on speed.
After that, the uphills didn’t phase me as much because there was usually a downhill to look forward to. When it got tough, I bargained with myself just to stay on the bike as long as I could before I walked.
I didn’t have to walk that often, but near the end it became clear I was reaching a limit. I started looking for the please-make-this-easier gear, and then soon, the Jesus-stop-the-madness gear.
Look, said my legs after a particularly heinous climb. We’re not sure you’re completely understanding our situation here.
I ignored them, and on we went.
I found myself making mental lists to keep my mind off the fact that I’d been on the bike for about 8 hours over the past two days.
One: The human body is not a perfect machine. There are going to be peaks and valleys of energy, and you have to keep pedaling through one to get to the other.
Two: There’s no point worrying how fast you should be going or how well you should be able to climb a hill.
Three: Lip gloss is nature’s gnat magnet.
Before long, we were at the finish line. People cheered and held out medals. I reached out and snagged mine as I rode past, and held it up in the air, total cheeseball style. Wheelie’s eyes were brimming with emotion. I actually think he was proud of us.
We ate a bratwurst and headed home, all stinky and unshowered, to pick up the kids.
If you’d asked me at the finish line if I was planning to do anything like this again, I would have said hell no. But now? Absolutely I will. It’s kind of like childbirth. The memory of the sucky parts doesn’t stick around too long. All you’re left with is the good stuff.
You wouldn’t believe how great my ride was yesterday.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Day 1, part IV: In which I learn to love the small chain ring
At 25 miles, I was feeling fantastic. At 35, my energy was flagging, and I really started to wish for a sandwich. The food offered at most rest stops was hit or miss, and Gatorade that tasted like turpentine was a real pleasure.
At about 45 miles, I called up to Gary, "Okay, hold on a minute. I need to stop and gnaw on my own arm."
He laughed.
"You think I'm joking."
I kept promising myself that lunch had to be just over this hill. Okay, maybe this one. Or not.
Finally, after 50 miles, the rest stop that was serving lunch drew into view. It was a thing of beauty. Huge tents of tables. Shady grass laid with blankets. Volunteers handing out roast beef and turkey sandwiches, chips, and cookies. Hundreds of tired people relaxing, laughing, chatting, and listening to music.
I gladly accepted a bagged lunch from a volunteer and sat down with my team. "Good thing it's lunchtime, I'm starving!" I said.
Only suddenly, I wasn't. I stared down at my perfectly appetizing sandwich and chips, and it stared back at me. For some reason, the thought of putting food anywhere near my stomach made me want to hurl.
But this was my only decent chance to eat. Blaming the queasiness on low blood sugar, I started with the cookies. Because cookies can't hurt you.
I did feel slightly better as I moved on to the turkey, but nothing even vaguely resembling hunger ever resurfaced. Not then, and not later. That would turn out to be a problem.
I choked down as much as I could and then stretched for a while as we waited for the rest of our team to finish up. With only 25 miles left to go, it was easy to feel like we had the day beat. This was officially my longest ride ever, and by far the most challenging.
Gary spent the next several miles flying up (yes, up) hills at breakneck speed as I chugged along at a steady but conservative pace.
"Too bad you got taken out on that hill," he commented, soft-pedaling alongside me. "You've seemed a lot more sluggish since then."
As soon as he said it, it occurred to me why. I hadn't shifted out of my small chain ring in over 30 miles. No wonder I always seemed to have fewer gears than I thought on the tough climbs.
Okay, it was time to get serious. Time to start acting like I knew what I was doing.
Mile 63 was where something seemed to switch. I was no longer riding along as part of a team. It was me, just me, against this evil, hilly bastard of a road.
My awareness closed in like a funnel, almost to a pinprick of intensity, where my breathing sounded loud in my own ears and my sight was always focused on the point just beyond the crest of the next hill.
Remember the killer hills at the start of the course? Yeah, now we were going back up the other side of every last one of them.
I pedaled. I breathed. I bargained with my legs to give a little more. That was all I needed, just a bit, just something, anything. Anything at all! And they argued back that I'd already taken them for all they were worth. So... sorry, but I was on my own.
We stopped off at the last rest area before the finish. I would have rather done anything but eat, which was unfortunately the one thing I needed to do most. And they had ice cream sandwiches! But I couldn’t do it. I managed to get down Cliff Shot and some Disney Princess fruit snacks.
Running on fumes, but still under my own power, the finish line appeared up ahead. Gary motioned me ahead so I could cross first, and then he pulled in alongside me.
Crowds were cheering. Riders were celebrating. 75 miles? Done! And now, free beer.
Up next: Well, it’s not like we HAVE to kill ourselves...
At about 45 miles, I called up to Gary, "Okay, hold on a minute. I need to stop and gnaw on my own arm."
He laughed.
"You think I'm joking."
I kept promising myself that lunch had to be just over this hill. Okay, maybe this one. Or not.
Finally, after 50 miles, the rest stop that was serving lunch drew into view. It was a thing of beauty. Huge tents of tables. Shady grass laid with blankets. Volunteers handing out roast beef and turkey sandwiches, chips, and cookies. Hundreds of tired people relaxing, laughing, chatting, and listening to music.
I gladly accepted a bagged lunch from a volunteer and sat down with my team. "Good thing it's lunchtime, I'm starving!" I said.
Only suddenly, I wasn't. I stared down at my perfectly appetizing sandwich and chips, and it stared back at me. For some reason, the thought of putting food anywhere near my stomach made me want to hurl.
But this was my only decent chance to eat. Blaming the queasiness on low blood sugar, I started with the cookies. Because cookies can't hurt you.
I did feel slightly better as I moved on to the turkey, but nothing even vaguely resembling hunger ever resurfaced. Not then, and not later. That would turn out to be a problem.
I choked down as much as I could and then stretched for a while as we waited for the rest of our team to finish up. With only 25 miles left to go, it was easy to feel like we had the day beat. This was officially my longest ride ever, and by far the most challenging.
Gary spent the next several miles flying up (yes, up) hills at breakneck speed as I chugged along at a steady but conservative pace.
"Too bad you got taken out on that hill," he commented, soft-pedaling alongside me. "You've seemed a lot more sluggish since then."
As soon as he said it, it occurred to me why. I hadn't shifted out of my small chain ring in over 30 miles. No wonder I always seemed to have fewer gears than I thought on the tough climbs.
Okay, it was time to get serious. Time to start acting like I knew what I was doing.
Mile 63 was where something seemed to switch. I was no longer riding along as part of a team. It was me, just me, against this evil, hilly bastard of a road.
My awareness closed in like a funnel, almost to a pinprick of intensity, where my breathing sounded loud in my own ears and my sight was always focused on the point just beyond the crest of the next hill.
Remember the killer hills at the start of the course? Yeah, now we were going back up the other side of every last one of them.
I pedaled. I breathed. I bargained with my legs to give a little more. That was all I needed, just a bit, just something, anything. Anything at all! And they argued back that I'd already taken them for all they were worth. So... sorry, but I was on my own.
We stopped off at the last rest area before the finish. I would have rather done anything but eat, which was unfortunately the one thing I needed to do most. And they had ice cream sandwiches! But I couldn’t do it. I managed to get down Cliff Shot and some Disney Princess fruit snacks.
Running on fumes, but still under my own power, the finish line appeared up ahead. Gary motioned me ahead so I could cross first, and then he pulled in alongside me.
Crowds were cheering. Riders were celebrating. 75 miles? Done! And now, free beer.
Up next: Well, it’s not like we HAVE to kill ourselves...
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