Friday, March 22, 2002

This is Day Two of spring. Why is it 30 degrees outside? I'm so sick of winter I basically want to step outside every morning and vomit.

I’m trying several techniques to hasten the warm weather. None of these has worked, by the way.

In the optimistic delusion that winter would take pity on my toes, I dug a pair of whiteish-looking, coldish-feeling sandals out of the back of my closet one morning. The weather did not turn warm. Actually, it rained. The very icy, stinging kind.

Imagining that the night was just too hot and sticky for pajamas, I went without. Subject abandoned the experiment at approximately 2:23 a.m. prompted by the obsessive thought that there was someone in the house. Not in the robbing/plundering/havok-wreaking/oh-crap-what’s-the-number-for-9-1-1 sense, just in the I-don’t-want-strangers-to-see-me-naked sense.

Several hours and several emptied glasses later, I found myself riding a mighty caffeine rush and urinating fiendishly.

Now I’m just resolved to waiting it out, but by no means patiently.

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