Monday, April 22, 2002

I had a meeting with Satan this morning. He laid out his strategic goals and plans for fiscal 2003. I took a look at his revised org chart for the Catholic church, taking into account the upward movement of a few integral players.

He keeps bringing up the prospect of taking me on as full-time permanent. He had put together a generous salary and benefits package, not altogether different from offers I've gotten in the past from his direct competitors -- God... Buddha... the Almighty Dollar... etc. Again I informed him that I stand firm in my desire to remain unaffiliated. I like the freedom that being an independent contractor gives me, having the flexibility to work good or evil on a per-project basis, depending on the circumstances.

Later this week I have a working lunch scheduled with the Christian God, and I suspect he's going to make the same basic proposal. And really, I don't know why they bother competing for the same business, seeing as how they're just different imprints of the same corporation. I've gone so far as suggesting a strategic alliance, but they both scoff at the idea, citing key differences in their mission statements.

Mission statements. As if a string of meaningless adverbs on a marble plaque outside your building's entrance could have any real impact on your corporate culture... Oh well, they keep paying for 'em, I'll keep writing 'em!

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