Thursday, April 11, 2002

I wonder if I’m what you would consider a morning person. After two good cups of coffee, I love everything. I’m not kidding. Right now, working on this third cup, I think I love the armrest on my desk chair. And it loves me back.

There was a “problem with theft” at work regarding the office coffee. They would order a few crates of these 16-oz foil-wrapped packets of grounds, stuff them all into a little drawer, and turn us loose on it. It wasn’t great coffee, but the caffeine content was acceptable. I can’t imagine anyone enjoying it so much that they would sneak into the vending room after hours and pocket a packet. Perhaps they would pack it in their jacket pocket, running quite a racket with no place to stock or stack it…

But now the rest of us all lack it.

They were so convinced of this “problem with theft” that they replaced our office coffee machine with a brew-by-the-pack office beverage solution (click to mock). Because this system considers a “cup” of coffee to be exactly 6 ounces, and my mug of choice holds exactly 12 ounces, I must brew two of these individual coffee packets into my individual cup before it qualifies as a cup of coffee.

It gets better! This office beverage solution also has an espresso setting, which brews, in my opinion, 2 ounces of what coffee is supposed to taste like. So a few of these espresso shots, a bit of water, and a honkin’ lot of creamer, and you’ve got yourself a very drinkable office beverage.

I’m sure I’m not the only one tweaking the system thusly. So I have to wonder what the coffee bills look like now, and perhaps building management is starting to look back fondly on the days when they were supporting one minor “problem with theft” instead of this newfound espresso habit rapidly adopted by obsessive types like me.

And now it’s too late to go back. They’d be admitting defeat. And they’d be forced to reckon with the fact that in all the recent weeks with our new beverage system, while all that leftover office coffee in its bright foil packaging has been lying useless in the drawer just beckoning to this unscrupulous coffee thief.. not a single packet has gone missing.

No comments: