Wednesday, April 27, 2005

I'm going to invent a fad diet called The Monochromatic Revolution. And because you're all my special friends, here is an exclusive sneak preview of what is soon to be known as the diet that revolutionized the way people approach healthy eating and weight loss. It will also make me rich, but that's beside the point.

This groundbreaking regimen is based on ancient principles of light infusion, color psychology, nutrient density, and inner harmony. Of course, all supporting scientific studies and case-based evidence has been reviewed by scholars from around the world. I won't tell you what they said when they reviewed it, but at least one review contained the word "remarkable."

So here it is, an excerpt from my yet-to-be-written new book, Take Control: Lose Weight and Feel Great with the Monochromatic Revolution!

I guarantee you will lose weight if you follow this plan to the letter in combination with the recommended 90 minutes of physical activity per day.*

How it works: Each day you will eat only foods of a certain color. On "red" days you will eat only red foods. As much as possible, the foods you choose should naturally contain the color of the day, so you can't just add red food coloring to your mayonnaise or binge on cherry Lifesavers.

For example…

Day 1: Orange
Breakfast: 1 tangerine, 1/2 cup sliced mango, 1 slice pumpkin bread with 1 tsp orange marmalade
Snack: 10 baby carrots
Lunch: 1 baked yam, 3 oz. cheddar cheese, 1 ripe peach
Snack: 1 cup sliced cantaloupe
Dinner: 1 cup macaroni and cheese, 1 cup baked acorn squash, 1/2 cup mandarin orange sections
Dessert: 1/2 cup orange sherbet

You may also choose to purchase our convenient, color-coded meal packages that contain an entire day's ready-to-eat meal plan. These packages will be available for a limited time at the low, introductory price of just $29.95 each – that's a savings of nearly 30% off the suggested retail price!

When you've reached your goal weight, then you'll be ready to embark on the next step of Multichromatic weight maintenance. You'll begin combining foods of different colors in the same meal. Proceed with caution here, because the wrong color combinations can sabotage your weight loss and reduce your sense of well being. My book will explain precisely how to avoid this pitfall and learn from common mistakes.

Are you intrigued? Do you happen to be sitting on a $30,000 advance and a publisher's contract? Then go ahead and float it this way, sister. I'm more than willing to start turning out chapters.

*Consult your physician before beginning this or any other diet and/or exercise program.


Deborah said...

I will happily pay you $30K if it means I can eat mac n' cheese and still loose weight. But only if it's the good kind, either from a blue box with neon powdered cheese food, or the kind where the cheese comes in a foil pouch of goo. None of this healthy, whole grain, low-fat crap, you get me?

Angie said...

When Jeff and I lived in Nashville, we often practiced Food That Starts With a C Night. Dinner consisted of couscous and corn--sometimes with a Corona (or two) and Hostess cupcakes. I will gladly sell you this idea for the sequel to your book! Five dollars!