An interesting postscript to the Instead test...
It's Saturday morning and there I am in the shower, indulging in a good, leisurely leg shave. In mid-lather, Gary bursts into the bathroom.
"EWW! The dog got your bloody toilet paper out of the trash!"
"Ew!" I agreed, and resumed my business, figuring a little toilet paper is nothing a grown man can't deal with.
A few minutes later, I heard screaming. "Oh my God! Oh my God! He's eating it!!!"
I reluctantly shut off the water and grabbed a towel.
It wasn't immediately clear whether the sounds coming out of my children were of laughter or crying. My husband met me in the hall with an expression of horror on his face that defies description. "Oh. My. God," he said.
"What?" I said, "The toilet paper?"
Gary pointed. The children were indeed laughing. The dog was lounging in the middle of the kitchen, casually gnawing on a pink rubber ring.
"OH MY GOD!!!" I shouted.
And then I laughed so hard I think brains came out of my nose.