Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Take a look to the left and you'll notice I've cleaned up the links. No more broken or inactive blogs over there! Nothing but good, solid blogginess. In fact, I highly recommend you take a moment right now to go discover someone new. It's like making a new friend!

Just when you think your neighborhood is settled and you have a good sense of who is cheating on their spouses with whom, someone has to go and put their house up for sale.

The house across the street from us seems to have sprouted a "for sale" sign overnight. I swear it wasn't there yesterday. They must have snuck out under the cover of darkness and planted it so no one could get an early jump on the gossip.

This is really only interesting because it's one of the Swingers' houses. This particular couple and the couple next door to them always seemed to have an unnaturally neighborly relationship. In a subdivision where people raked leaves side by side without more than a cordial nod in each others' direction, where a friendly wave satisfied the month's requirement for casually exchanged greetings... (let's just say we're not the lean-over-the-fence-and-chat sort of neighborhood)... these neighbors raked each others' lawns, strung Christmas lights on each others' houses, distributed Halloween candy from the same bowl, pulled each others' kids in wagons, etc., etc., etc. It was sickening bordering on incestuous.

But they seemed to be happy in a way that we envied. The husbands would stand outside drinking beer together while their comparably aged children played and their wives smiled and talked on the porch swing. I'll admit it. We wanted what they had. We wanted a couple next door who liked the same music we liked and who didn't give a crap about what teams were playing in the next televised sporting event.

So how best to cope with our jealousy? We decided they not only traded meatloaf recipes and babysitting, but sexual favors and spouses. Because that shit is funny.

Then we imagined that things went sour between them. Maybe one of the wives was a tiny bit hotter in the sack, and the other one wanted to call off the extracurriculars. The tension! The fury! The inevitable discomfort of living in such close proximity to temptation and sin!

And now one of the houses is suddenly up for sale. Interesting...

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Here's a chance for you to get some cool new neighbors!

Anonymous said...

Here's a chance for you to get some cool new neighbors!

Kittymama

Gary O'Brien said...

I would like to point out that the husbands drank BAD beer. I wouldn't have wanted an invitation to that one . . . Now, if they had a nice Belgian ale, that would have been something . . .

Anonymous said...

I really enjoy your blog.

Rebecca said...

Hmmm, more to it than meets the eye huh? I think so.

Anonymous said...

Oh, man. You took my link down. My archives still rocked even if I had to stop blogging. Now pardon me while I stick my tongue out at you.

-Drama Queen

Squeaky Weasel said...

No Drama, don't be mad! You are/were one of my favorite bloggers! I was sad to read about you leaving. <---Check out the shiny new archive link! :-) Be sure to let me know if you decide to start blogging again!

Dave Morris said...

Our neighborhood is similarly standoffish - and since I see you guys live in St. Louis - perhaps it is the same 'hood. I must say though, neighbors are the greatest to fantasize about and manipulate, even if only in your own mind. We also create imaginary conversations between our pets. It's just what creative people do.

And Gary, it's only necessary to drink GOOD beer for the first few. I have a friend who always has a six of Michelob and two cases of Milwaukee's Best Light in his fridge. Drink a couple of Michelobs and the rest tastes the same. At least that's what he tells me. Perhaps you keep seeing your neighbors after they've had 3 or 4.